The McGuffin Society

Who is Heidi Montag?



I have seen this lady popping up all over my favorite websites as of late. Mentions of her and her "fiancee" have subtly snuck on to E! and ET. Tabloid articles, fashion articles, entertainment articles, all these fucking things cover her. So I'm thinking, there has got to be something groundbreaking about this woman for all this attention that she garners. She must have cured cancer or atleast sucked some mayor's dick to get this famous this fast. And I am up to date with my entertainment gossip, its not like I was ignorant to the paparazzi* adventures in Hollywood. I've seen Britney's sad fall and Lindsey Lohan's countless crotch flashes. It was a mystery constantly running through my head. So I needed to figure out, who was Heidi Montag?

So being a man who liked answers, I decided to take that journey onto the information super highway. After countless hours of tears, sweat and frustrating wiki searches I have discovered something about Heidi Montag, she's another one of these pointless, flash in the pan, just add water celebrities.

Let me state something...she is famous for being a bitch on two seasons of a shitty, reality MTV show. That's it. Nothing else. I am so tired of these celebrities that are only famous for being famous. I don't get it, its some "chicken or the egg" sorta thing. It started with Paris Hilton and the onslaught of surreality TV. But now swarms of these sub-celebrities have infected all facets of our voyeuristic culture. Americans are obsessed about what some 19-yr-old Orange County resident wore to her second date with Johnny Goodlooking. And we can't get enough. Isn't it maddening?

So now, since fame has kicked in, what does she do? Well she wants to be an actress. Big surprise. However not only does she want to be an actress, but she wants to go one step beyond, singer/actress. So not only do we have to see her on our televisions, on our movie screens, in our magazines and on our desktops, but we have to hear her on our iPods too. Then to make matters worse, she endorses John McCain**.That made me shake my head in confusion. She had gone too far. She has invaded my politics. And this my friends is too much.

So I make a request, let's just ignore this blonde bitch. Seriously, let's stop writing about her. Let's stop taking pictures of her in different bikinis. Let's stop taking pictures of her at entertainment events. Let's stop taking pictures of her. And while we're at it, let's stop taking pictures and discussing all of these so-called celebrities. I think in order for us to watch someone so intently, they must prove, through a test or display or some mystical feat, that they have some iota of talent.

But who am I kidding? It won't happen. I accept that. But I will do my part, from here on out, I will never mention Heidi Montag in this blog. I will not do it. I am doing my small part. Let's spread the word. If we all do a little, the sum will be great.

You guys are great.

Daniel holds his fist up in victory.


*I will never refer to the paparazzi as "paps". Won't do it, can't do it
**She is not even registered to vote. So what's the point of the endorsement